Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (C)

Tapping into video games for source material to make movies hasn’t really worked out thus far. Studios have tried for years, but the ultimate outcome has been mostly pretty awful. The Resident Evil franchise is an exception, as it has been successful at the box-office, but bombs like Hit Man, Max Payne and Doom have proved that making a movie based on a popular video game is no easy task. And while Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is a step in the right direction in terms of entertainment (which is not saying much), it’s still a sub-par action blockbuster that you should refrain from wasting $10 on.

I’m not a gamer, so this review isn’t going to analyze the film’s accuracy in terms “staying true” to the video game series. I’m going to talk about it just as a movie. Sorry, gamers. That being said, let’s get right to it.

The film stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Dastan, a poor peasant boy living in the streets of the Persian empire during the sixth century. After publicly displaying his courage and good will, young Dastan is adopted by the king as his heir, so the king’s two sons will not fight over the throne. Flash forward 15 years later and the Persian empire invades a smaller, neighboring city because of evidence that they are harboring threatening weapons. The Persians then seize the beautiful Princess Tamina of said city against her will, played by the gorgeous Gemma Arterton. After someone very close to Dastan is publicly murdered via a toxic piece of clothing (yes, that’s right), Dastan and Tamina are now on the run because it was made to look like he did it. Even worse, the person who framed him is someone he trusted dearly.

The rest of the film focuses on a mystical dagger that has the power to turn back time. After experiencing the power of the dagger firsthand and finding out Tamina’s ancient sworn oath, the two go on an adventure to protect the dagger from falling into the wrong hands, prevent Armageddon, and clear Dastan’s name. While this might sound like a unique story, and in certain aspects it is, the dialogue and general plot points of the movie are so recycled and predictable that any casual movie-goer could basically say “I bet this happens” after every scene, and they’d unfortunately be right. So classic.

The film is a product of Jerry Bruckheimer, mega-producer of pretty much every movie ever, including the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. As that series is nearing its end, hopefully, Bruckheimer is hoping that Prince of Persia can fill its void as Disney’s PG-13 action-adventure franchise. Unfortunately for Disney and Bruckheimer, Prince of Persia is no Pirates. What made the Pirates series so appealing and successful was it’s unique blend of action-adventure and whimsical comedy set in a past time period, and, well, Johnny Depp. Prince of Persia doesn’t have Johnny Depp. And while it’s action sequences are impressive, the comedic elements in the film are so obvious and forced that it will make you cringe.

Example: Dastan gets some help from a band of some unlikely misfits on his journey, who have a different agenda than protecting the mystical dagger. One of these misfits is Sheik, played by Alfred Molina, an ostrage racing promoter (yes, that’s right) who is a complete blabber-mouth throughout the film. So obviously, he talks way too much. In one particularly awful scene, showcasing the film’s lazy attempt at comedy, another misfit says to Sheik, right before they attempt to infiltrate the Persian city, “You know, you talk too much.” GET IT?!?! They both smile at each other and go off on their merry way. I know. It’s so unfunny, that I can’t fathom how the script supervisor gave it the green-light in the first place.

The performances in the film aren’t bad. Jake Gylenhaal does a respectable job as Dastan, as he is a very good actor, although his pseudo-British accent takes some getting used to. Because, you know, anytime there’s a movie that takes place in a distant time period, no matter what country, British accents suffice as foreign speaking. Arterton is the stand out, as she does a great job portraying the courageous, yet vulnerable Princess Tamina. And that’s about it. Yes, the great Sir Ben Kingsley has a major role in the film as uncle Nizam, but his performance is pretty much lost in the average of everything else in the movie.

The thing that makes the film not terrible, are the special effects and action sequences. When you use the mystical dagger to go back in time, your body basically disintegrates and floats out of itself from present time, and when it happens, it’s very pleasing to look at. And pretty much throughout the film, Dastan is in some sort of chase scene or sword fight, all of which are impressive and entertaining. So on that front, Prince of Persia got it right.

Overall, the movie is entertaining because, it’s an action-adventure-fantasy blockbuster from Jerry Bruckheimer. I mean, no matter how much one might dislike the cliche, played-out style of JB, his movies do entertain. But that doesn’t excuse the painfully predictable storyline and unfunny one-liners that make Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time a “been there, done that” summer blockbuster that you should steer clear of.

What Should You Do? Save your money for something else that you really want to see this summer.

The second trailer for Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time has just hit the web, and I must say that this trailer has me anticipating the film’s May 28th release. I was skeptical after seeing the first trailer that featured little reference to a plot and nothing but overblown typical Bruckheimer action sequences. But this new trailer has dialogue that caught my attention, some reference to appealing story arcs, and was also comical.

The biggest reason I have been so cynical towards this movie is because of Jake Gyllenhaal’s skin color. He is not Persian, or even Middle Eastern for that matter; but is playing the role of a Persian Prince. The Caucasian character choice is obviously based solely on Gyllenhaal’s marketability compared to that of a no name actor that fits the dark skinned profile.

I can’t even think of any prominent Middle Eastern actors, or actors that even look from that part of the world. Naveen Andrews comes to mind who plays Sayid Jarrah on the hit (& awesome) show LOST. Dev Patel hit the scene last year in Slumdog Millionaire, but he hardly looks like an action hero (despite actually holding a black belt in Tae Kwon Do). You could also make a case for the star of the Harold and Kumar films, Kal Penn. But that brings me back to the not looking like an action hero point. So with those things considered, Gyllenhaal looks like the best choice despite my early annoyance with the casting decision.

I think this second trailer strengthens the case for this movie actually being a decent flick. Whether a proper screenplay has been composed to accentuate the stunning action is yet to be known. Plus this movie features one of the hottest females on the entire planet in Gemma Arterton. She could be in an eight hour movie that featured her working an entire shift as a McDonald’s employee and I’d pay to watch it all.

If one thing is certain, it’s that I will be at a midnight showing checking this movie out to see if it is for real like the first Pirates of the Caribbean or a computer generated piece of junk like the third.

And finally, with the May 7th release looming just around the corner, a new Iron Man 2 trailer, or the feature trailer as it is called, was bound to rear it’s nasty head. Behold, a trailer so epic the words to describe it cannot even escape my mouth, or fingers that is. Before viewing this trailer for the first time anticipation was pumping through my veins; after, it was a cataclysm of euphoria.

If the last 30 seconds of this trailer doesn’t fuel your desire to get yourself tickets to the midnight showing of Iron Man 2 then you either are not an actual movie fan or are unfortunately blind. Iron Man and War Machine vs. the army of robots has legendary written all over it.

This feature trailer unravels plot details exposing the many avenues of conflict coming out of this story. We see Tony and Pepper’s advanced relationship, but Tony’s new assistant, the sexy but deadly Scarlett Johansson, trying to wedge herself in between them. The government wants the Iron Man suit, but Tony still refuses to give up his prized possession.

Tony’s success also leaves “blood in the water,” which soon brings the sharks circling. This ultimate conflict comes from the villain Whiplash played seemingly flawlessly by Mickey Rourke. He devises a way to get Stark’s attention by showing off his own rendition of the suit. The stakes are raised when Whiplash catches more than just our hero’s attention, but also a wealthy scoundrel with nefarious plans of an Iron Man-like army of robots.

This trailer alone has “great story” written all over it, not to mention the magnificent dialogue displayed (If you could make God bleed, people would cease to believe in him). Are the visuals enough for your appetite? I know that a whole movie with those mind bending visuals will leave me feeling stuffed like I’m watching Thanksgiving Day Thursday Night Football. Besides the obvious GLORY of the July release of Inception, the second Iron Man seems ripe for second place behind it in box office receipts this summer.

What Do You Think? Discuss.

In this edition of Trailer Trash MASH we have two trailers for upcoming Disney action-adventure blockbusters. One is based on a popular video game series, while the other is loosely based Disney’s famous Fantasia, both of which have been adapted into live-action blockbusters. Jake Gyllenhaal was at the Spike TV 2009 Video Game Awards with a special presentation of “never before seen” footage of his upcoming Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. The first official trailer for POP was released back in early November, so the claim of “never before seen footage” seems like a farce to me, since most, if not all of the footage in this Spike teaser was shown in the previous trailer.

The synopsis for the film is as follows: From the team that brought the Pirates of the Carribean trilogy to the big screen, Prince of Persia is an action-adventure set in the mystical lands of Persia. A rogue prince (Gyllenhaal) reluctantly joins forces with a mysterious princess (Gemma Arterton) and together, they race against dark forces to safeguard an ancient dagger capable of releasing the Sands of Time—a gift from the gods that can reverse time and allow its possessor to rule the world.

Directed by Mike Newell (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) with a cast that includes Sir Ben Kingsley and Alfred Molina (Spider-Man 2), and a screenplay by Doug Miro & Carlo Bernard from a screen story by Jordan Mechner and Boaz Yakin, POP hits theaters Memorial Day Weekend, 2010. Check out the Spike “sneak-peek.”

Next we have the The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. One of the first Movie Mash articles that I wrote was a RANT regarding my anger that Disney had set their release date for the film on July 16, the same day that Inception opens. While I’m sure that Inception will prevail because of it’s overall superiority, it just urks me that Apprentice will ultimately detract from Inception’s box-office splash.

Synopsis for the film is as follows: Loosely adapted from the classic story from Fantasia, and based in modern-day Manhattan, Nicolas Cage plays Balthazar Blake, a sorcerer who recruits and trains a young protege (Jay Baruchel, Knocked Up) to help fight the forces of darkness. Celebrity illusionist Drake Stone (Toby Kebbell) joins forces with an evil sorcerer named Horvath (Alfred Molina, AGAIN), to “gain ultimate powers.” The film, also features Teresa Palmer (Bedtime Stories) as Baruchel’s love interest and the stunningly-beautiful Monica Bellucci (Passion of the Christ, The Matrix Reloaded) as Veronica, a sorceress and the long-lost love of Cage’s character. Check out the trailer below.

From this trailer, the movie looks surprisingly intriguing and not AT ALL what I expected, but you all know what movie I’m paying to see on July 16. Apprentice will have to wait for the following week matinee showing.

What Do You Think? Discuss.