JONAH HEX (B-)

This movie is one that surprised me as I expected nothing more than to dislike it when buying my ticket. I am not a huge fan of Megan Fox’s typical attempts at acting, especially trying to pull off a southern accent like this role required. Even with her being a vital piece to this project, she did a suitable job with her part and helped make Jonah Hex a decent movie. Considering I walked in expecting failure because of the atrocious ratings it has received (14% approval on RottenTomatoes), I walked out appreciating the movie as a success for what it was trying to achieve. Jonah Hex is a respectable western. 

The film is an adaptation from the popular comic-book series about an outlaw who lost everything and seeks revenge against the man who took everything from him. After watching his wife and child burned alive by his mortal enemy in the story Quentin Turnbull played by John Malkovich, his life is changed forever. The murder of Hex’s family is at the very beginning of the story and quantifies the new “lifeless” cowboy who murders the scum of the earth to fill the void left by his dead family. Surprisingly, Malkovich’s portrayal of his character was one of the worst pieces of this movie.

The narrative itself was nothing special, but it was elemental. By that I mean that the tale played out in a predictive manner, but featured all the elements of a reasonably well told story. While Jonah Hex is the only character the script really focuses in on, Turnbull and his thugs are despicable enough to create loathing for their gang and their plan of destruction for the growing United States. Every time I had a question in mind about the story, the script seemed to provide a competent explanation for my inquiry. Not always the best reasoning mind you, but enough to create understanding.

From some of my past reviews, many of you can garner that I am usually a cynic when it comes to cliché blockbuster movies or mindless comedies. For some reason, even though this movie is almost as much a cookie cutter product as The A-Team, I thought it had at least a beating heart with some emotion where The A-Team did not. Despite most of Jonah Hex fitting the blockbuster design, it had enough originality to give it distinction amongst the other common action movies.

Overall, Jonah Hex was not anything I would go out of my way to see again, but I would check it out for a second time if the opportunity presented itself. The action is solid and fun to watch, especially some of the gun fights. The story is easy to follow and interesting enough to keep the viewer entertained til the conclusion. And most of all, Josh Brolin pulls off his part as Hex almost masterfully. If you have already seen the gems Toy Story 3 and The Karate Kid, give this western a chance.

What Should You Do? Don’t see this in place of either of those movies, but as far as entertainment goes, it is definitely an enjoyable flick.

Wowzers! This is pretty big. After earning over $1.6 billion worldwide, you’d think that the mentality for the future of the Transformers franchise would be, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Well, that certainly seems not be be the case with the upcoming Transformers 3, as Deadline reports that Paramount has officially denied to pick up Megan Fox’ option to return for a third film. Here’s the kicker though, it was director Michael Bay’s decision.

Many of you may remember last summer when Fox publicly bashed Bay’s “dumbed-down” interpretation of the transforming robots, saying:

“Sure. I mean, I can’t shit on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don’t want to blow smoke up people’s ass. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting. And once you realize that, it becomes almost fun because you can be in the moment and go, ‘All right, I know that when he calls Action! I’m either going to be running or screaming, or both.’”

Pretty blatant insubordination towards one of the biggest directors on the planet, like him or not. The PR damage control statement about Fox’ apparent firing is because Bay and writer Ehren Kruger are “giving Shia a new love interest” because “it makes more sense for the story.” Not sure how that “makes more sense” considering millions of teenage boys around the globe shelled out their respective $10 to ogle Fox in her tight shorts….TWICE! The report also said that Bay will start casting immediately for the new female co-star.

So who will replace Fox as the female lead? Well it looks like Bay & Co. are wasting no time in moving on. The Wrap (via Slashfilm) reports that the gorgeous Gemma Arterton, recently featured in Quantum of Solace, Clash of the Titans, and the upcoming Prince of Persia, is currently the top candidate to take over for Fox. Other possible options for the role are supermodels Bar Refaeli (Leonardo DiCaprio’s GF), Miranda Kerr and Brooklyn Decker. While each of these women are unbelievably beautiful, non of them have significant acting experience, which would make them a long-shot. So Arterton seems to “make the most sense.”

What Do You Think? Discuss.

I am sure many of you could not have missed the Megan Fox Super Bowl commercial that featured the bombshell actress in the bathtub. Aside from Megan wearing nothing but bubbles the commercial actually made me laugh quite a bit. It was definitely one of my favorite Super Bowl ads in what I would consider a pretty weak picking as far as awesome new commercials go. My second favorite would have to be the little black boy protecting his cheesy snacks with authority (Keep your hands of my momma, keep your hands off my Doritos).

Anyway, back to the point I was trying to make here. The world has know for some time now that Megan Fox has one very small imperfection, and that is her stubby thumbs. I personally do not care about her thumbs, but I actually noticed before every “gossip” outpost across the land began to pick her apart because they finally had something to nit pick (besides her usually bad acting of course). Honestly, I do not know how she ever made it past her performance in Holiday in the Sun, look at how terrible she is in all those clips!

Skip this paragraph, it is just me boasting about my prominent thumb discovery before all others. I noticed her Spud Webb thumb in the first Transformers when she is driving the tow truck hooked up to Bumblebee (come on, no one can drive backwards that fast in a tow truck with a multiple-ton alien robot attached!). She puts her head up against the steering wheel in despair with her right hand resting on the side, and BOOM! There it was…. Megan Fox as a human.

Once again, back to the main point of this post. If you notice in the Super Bowl ad when Megan is scrolling through her new phone with her right hand, the Webster thumb is gone! Either Megan starred on an episode of Nip/Tuck to have her hand plastic surgery-ized(?) or there is an impostor right hand posing as Megan Fox! I’ll put money on the first one. You can see the ad here.

If Megan’s hand is a fake, can we be certain she is real? Or even a woman? Because there was this movie one time where she ate humans and she was a demon. Movies generally do not lie.

I’d still book a table for two even if I ended up as dinner in the end (sorry Derek).

What Do You Think? Discuss.

There is no script (that we know of), there has been no announcement by Warner Bros., and yet the rumors surrounding the inevitable third installment of Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise continue to persist. A big reason for this is most definitely because the amazing teaser trailer for Inception that was released a few days ago. Everybody wants a piece of Chris Nolan. First I’ll get the ridiculous out of the way. Megan Fox is NOT going to be cast as Catwoman in Batman 3, despite recent reports confirming that the actress has already been signed to play antagonist Selina Kyle. I honestly don’t know how the London-based gossip rag, The Sun, even cooks up this stuff. Remember a few months back when they claimed that Eddie Murphy had be cast as The Riddler? Yeah, I know.

What’s even more ridiculous than the thought of Christopher Nolan casting Fox in one of his films, is the absolute certainty of The Sun’s reporting. It’s not like they labeled this as a rumor, they flat out “report” her casting as fact; as well as claiming that Batman 3 is set to begin shooting in 2011. So instead of having a press conference to make a this anticipated announcement that the entire world has been waiting for, Warner Bros. and Nolan decided to leak the news to The Sun? Yeah right. I think it’s safe to say that any story surrounding the entertainment world that comes from this publication is utterly and completely false.

Fox’ reps were contacted about the rumor and immediately denied the claim, though they did say that Fox loves Nolan, saying:

“Megan is a huge fan of the Batman movies and of director Christopher Nolan, but these discussions have not taken place.”

And not that Megan Fox is absolutely terrible. She’s a decent actress and I think receives a lot of unjustified criticism for her supposed lack of acting ability. But lets look at the actresses that Nolan has chosen to work with thus far:

-Scarlett Johansson, The Prestige: Four-time Golden Globe nominee (Lost in Translation, Girl With a Pearl Earing, A Love Song for Bobby Long, Match Point)
-Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Dark Knight: Two-time Golden Globe nominee (Secretary, Sherry Baby)
-Ellen Page, Inception: Academy Award nominee (Juno)
-Marion Cotillard, Inception: Academy Award winner (La Vie en Rose)

Nolan seems to choose actresses that have proven dramatic ability and credibility for each of his films. Not the eye candy of the Transformers franchise. But hey, Megan Fox would look super hot in black leather, right?

So now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the Batman 3 rumor that could prove to be true, as well as really awesome. Harry at Ain’t It Cool News posted an interesting article a couple days ago, claiming that one of the reasons Christopher Nolan chose to make Inception before delving into Batman 3 (besides the creative break from the Bat universe) is because it would allow he and his team time to develop rigs  and newer, smaller cameras to allow him to shoot the third Batman entirely in IMAX format. You may recall last summer sitting in an IMAX theater watching the breathtaking visual crispness of The Dark Knight. That’s because Nolan used IMAX technology to film about 25 minutes of the film. Those 25 minutes were all action sequences filled with car chases and explosions because the IMAX cameras are extremely loud, heavy, large and can only shoot 2 minutes of film at a time; so it would be nearly impossible to film a scene of dialogue with a roaring camera engine as background sound.

Back in 2007, Nolan mentioned to USA Today that he had always dreamed of making an entire film with IMAX technology, saying:

“There’s simply nothing like seeing a movie that way… I wish I could shoot the entire thing this way.”

Alex Billington at FirstShowing.net said that an IMAX rep told him, regarding Inception, that:

“Inception is definitely one of the titles that we are looking at for 2010.”

So that would mean that Nolan is definitely using IMAX technology on Inception; to the degree of how much of the film will be shot that way or if he has officially developed new cameras, has yet to be confirmed. So at this point it’s all speculation and hearsay. But this is a very positive sign for all you Bat fans who are concerned that Nolan has not “officially” signed on to Batman 3. As I’ve claimed for months now, the fact that Nolan hasn’t given Warner Bros. a definitive “No” answer, on top of the fact that they have not hired a new director, means that he will be back. For a studio to not immediately get the ball rolling for a sequel to the second-highest grossing movie of all time, means that they are bending to the will of the creator of that film.

What Do You Think? Discuss.

Yes, that is Megan Fox in the image above as the flesh-eating demonic cheerleader Jennifer. I posted some pics of her new film Jennifer’s Body last week, revealing one of the hottest women alive as…well… a flesh-eating demonic cheerleader. The film stars Ms. Fox, Amanda Seyfried and the OC‘s Adam Brody. Jennifer is a newly possessed cheerleader-turned killer who specializes in mutilating her male classmates. The film is written by Juno scribe and MINNESOTA-native Diablo Cody.

A red-band trailer has just been put online featuring Ms. Fox looking sexier and hotter than ever, while ripping apart the flesh her high school’s jocks. This movie looks like a lot of fun, featuring a unique blend of comedy and horror. As many people bash Ms. Fox’ acting skills, due to her recent projects not requiring much intensity or range, in this trailer, it appears as though she may surprise a lot of people. The film opens this September and you can see the big-screen version of the Jennifer’s Body trailer next week before Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno.

Next up we have some good Ol-fashioned ass-kicking martial arts, courtesy of the great Tony Jaa. If you don’t know who Tony Jaa is, you’d better get ready. Check out this video of Tony Jaa in action, featuring clips from his previous films, Ong-bak: Muay Thai Warrior and The Protector.   As we are most familiar with Jackie Chan and Jet Li providing us with their intense Chinese-oriented fighting styles, Tony Jaa brings his unprecedented talent and athleticism in the form of his native Muay Thai Boxing. Muay Thai is referred to as “The Art of the Limbs,” as the hands, shins, elbows, and knees are all used extensively in this art.

I love martial arts films and I own both the first Ong-bak and The Protector (Tom yum goong).  If you haven’t yet seen those films, you need to re-examine your life and see them ASAP as Jaa will destroy your perception of “doing my own stunts.” Check out the bone-crunching trailer for Ong bak 2, which will be released in limited theaters this October and will eventually make its way to DVD.

What Do You Think? Discuss.

At the beginning of April, I posted an article discussing the casting additions of Michael Shannon and Will Arnett to Warner Bros.’ upcoming comic-book western adventure Jonah Hex. The film also stars Transformers hottie Megan Fox, who’ll play the pistol-toting vixen opposite Josh Brolin (Hex). MovieGab.net has the first set photos of Fox in costume. Now, there’s no denying Megan Fox’ beauty (she was voted Sexiest Woman in the World by FHM last year). But her waist looks unhealthy, unusually thin and almost cartoon-like in these photos; similar to Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Now I’m not saying it’s bad one way or the other, just an observation. Mic check 1, 2.

What Do You Think? Discuss.

The movie magazine will be doing a feature on the actress who is a very hot commodity this year; especially in the world action and comic-books. She already has Transformers 2 coming out June 26 , with Shia Lebouf reprising his role as well (she also has a Megatron tatoo on her arm, but I doubt that’s real).  Then it was just announced last month that she had been aggressively purusued and eventually signed on to do Jonah Hex and Fathom.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Jonah Hex is Warner Bros.’ action Western based on the DC Comics character. Fox will be playing a gun-wielding beauty and love interest of Hex (Josh Brolin), a scarred bounty hunter tracking a voodoo practitioner (John Malkovich) who wants to raise an army of undead to liberate the South.

Then almost simultaneously, she committed to Fathom, a comic created by recently deceased artist Michael Turner, follows a young woman named Aspen who learns she is a member of a race of aquatic humanoids who possess the ability to control water. Quite a heavy load for a 23 year-old, but that’s what you get in the business to do, make movies; so kudos.

Mini-Rant: everyone can make fun of fan boys and our lust for “nerdy” fantasy films like Star Wars, LOTR and an adaptation of every comic-book ever made, but you know what?…WE RUN HOLLYWOOD RIGHT NOW! I mean, what were the highest grossing films of last year? Oh yeah, The Dark Knight, Iron Man & Hancock; all about superheros. Oh, how nerdy and pathetic is that? And people might make fun of the fact that a new Star Trek is coming out, or might even be embarrassed to say out loud that they’re excited to see it because they don’t want to have any association with Trekkies, but I guarantee that it’s going to make over $220 million. So I guess in that case, we’re all fan boys/girls, nerds and pathetic losers, so get over yourselves.

And as for Ms. Fox, obviously she’s one of the hottest women alive, and sometimes she gets some guff from her (perceived by some) wooden acting ability, after 2011 and these three films come out, she will have gained some respectable nerd cred and the Nolans, the Spielbergs, the Favreaus will know that we support her and will continue to cast her in mega-blockbusters. Megan Fox, I salute you.

What do you think? Discuss.