GRADE: C-

Not sure what the creative meeting was like when Battleship was green-lit to become a movie:

Universal Exec 1: “OK. So, those Transformer movies were based off popular 80′s toys, and like, made a lot of money and stuff. What other game and/or toy can we use to base a $200 million summer blockbuster on?”
Universal Exec 2: “Uhhh, how about Battleship?”
Universal Exec 1: “(looks around the table) Sounds good to me!”

I think of it this way, because the eventual end product that became Battleship the movie, could not have had any more thought to it than that. It’s a non-stop explosion/VFX-fest that is entertaining (at times), but due to nonsensical plot holes and a truly terrible script, it’s a summer blockbuster that should never had been made. And with it’s absolute bombing (pun intended) at the box-office this weekend (taking in an abysmal $25 million), a lot of people are about to get canned at Universal… John Carter-style.

Alien-invasion movies don’t really need to have a lot of substance. We get it. Aliens invade Earth to exterminate the human race out of sheer imperialist nature, or to exploit our resources in one way or another. We don’t need a deep, philosophical subtext while watching spaceships fly about, like 2009′s District 9 did. But the complete lack of any sort of character development, as well as an eyebrow-raising explanation of who these aliens are and why they’re even here (or lack thereof), make this film painful to sit through at certain points.

This glaring omission of any sort of substance is completely a result of the script, which is awful. Something that is more tangibly noticeable from the script, in addition to the story elements described above, is the atrocious dialogue. The dialogue in this film is so bad, that it makes usually good actors, terrible. Alexander Skarsgard is awesome on HBO’s True Blood, through which he has proven to be a very capable dramatic actor. In Battleship he plays the older, wiser brother to the film’s lead (Taylor Kitsch) and in the opening scene he attempts to impose inspirational wisdom to get his younger brother to stop fucking around and live up to his “potential;” which is quite literally the only (and cliché) theme of Kitsch’s character development. The dialogue in this scene made me cringe. I couldn’t look at the actors while they were speaking at times. A reaction that was constant throughout the film.

Also in the realm of bad acting come Rihanna and Kitsch. Look, I love Rihanna, but she needs to take break from movies or take some acting classes ASAP, as she just couldn’t deliver her lines with any sort of credibility. Like, it was bad. Something that surely didn’t help was the script, but I’d like to know why the fuck director Peter Berg cast her in this film (besides her star status)…if he actually “saw something” in her. Cuz I sure didn’t see it. As for Kitsch, he is our generation’s Keanu Reeves. He’s charismatic, yes, but the dude really struggled in delivering his lines with conviction of any kind. Something that may be suited for a “turn your brain off” film like Battleship (as Keanu proved with The Matrix films), so I’ll reserve judgement on his career until he does a truly dramatic film that is 100% dependent on his acting chops.

The one saving grace of this film was the visual effects and action sequences (shot well by Berg), which were a feast for the eyes and ears. One of the best examples of this are these mechanical destroyer wheels that the alien ships shoot out onto the mainland that basically cut, rip and destroy anything in their path. When these things are tearing shit up, it’s pretty cool, and the VFX team should be applauded for their efforts, no doubt. On the downside, of my major gripes with the VFX team, and I guess conceptually via the design team, are the look of the aliens. From the trailers and TV spots you can see that their bodies are similar to humans. Two legs and two arms, while wearing these Halo-esque space suits. But when their helmets are taken off and we get a good look at their faces, it’s just really stupid-looking. A climactic reveal that made me say out loud: “That’s what they look like?!” I won’t go into detail on their appearance, but suffice to say, it’s super lame.

I’m glad I got to see Battleship for free. A sentiment I often refer to when I see a bad movie. Will I buy it on Blu-ray? Absolutely not. Will I use it as background noise while cleaning my apartment on a Saturday afternoon when it’s on cable? Maybe.

What Should You Do? Skip it.

GRADE: B

This film is still making rounds in the distribution circuit, but will most likely be difficult to find at your local theater. Bully is an indie film, but has gotten quite a bit of play because of the important message it carries. I saw the movie a few weeks back, but because of all the other things going on in life I didn’t get to this review until now. Despite seeing it so long ago and it barely still being in theaters, I had to cook up a review about this film because its importance. Students, parents, soon-to-be parents, teachers, anyone associated with the education system needs to see just how widespread bullying is in schools today. Bullying in America is a massive problem that is causing both measurable and immeasurable harm to those who are tormented. This film shows how cruel kids in school are today, and how the afflicted can no longer escape persecution outside the school grounds with evolving social media and tech — kids today are entering a new age of bullying.

The film follows a handful of teenagers who were, and in some cases still are, picked on heavily in school. It also heavily centers on the parents involved in this uphill battle. Bully documents the struggle for teens to deal with the difficulties of not only learning in school but assimilating to the environment while being ostracized by their cruel peers. One of the teens is a lesbian in a very opinionated, bigoted, rural town. She speaks of experiences most of us wouldn’t believe, like a teacher making fun of her homosexuality in front of an entire class. The stories from all these teens and their families are extremely sad and full of hurt, but they should not be ignored. A film like this is an excellent way for the bullies to see how their words and actions impact the bullied. It’s an excellent way for school administrators to see their efforts are often useless and to help push them to understand they need to do more.

While most of us have endured some facet of bullying in our lives, the lengths kids will go today to feel better about themselves by putting another down seems much more drastic than I remember. While I am sure many of the words and the kids on each side of the fence are the same (bully vs. the bullied), the practices are more extreme and permanent, not to mention more public when broadcasted on social media. This has led to irreparable damage on so many developing minds, even in drastic cases, suicide. It really is sad to see and hear about — such petty cruelty in many cases cuts far too deep.

On the production side of things, this has to be one of the worst shot movies I’ve ever seen, and it’s a documentary. Quite often, the film follows the teens in their daily life — but being a documentary, it also features plenty of interviews. For some reason, director Lee Hirsch instructed all his camera crew to move the camera in and out of focus, constantly throughout the film, even in the middle of interviews. These rack focuses serve no purpose — they’re distracting and extremely annoying. People in the film are literally just sitting there being interviewed and all the sudden the camera goes out of focus, and then back. Such a tacky presentation to a topic as important as this one.

Overall, despite the laughable camerawork, the message of Bully rings true. It’s a movie all involved in education need to see at least once, especially parents and school personnel. Bullies can be extremely vicious and the bullied oftentimes believe extreme measures are the only way out — whether that be cutting, sinking into depression, retaliation, or even suicide, the results are never positive.

What Should You Do? The film might still be in a theater in your area, but most likely not. Your best bet is to look for Bully on DVD or Netflix when it hits the market. After you see it, spread the movie to others.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery

GRADE: C

Sacha Baron Cohen first made his mark on the short-lived, but hysterical HBO comedy The Ali G Show back in 2003. What made that such a cult classic amongst comedy lovers was his interaction with real people while portraying these ridiculous satirical characters. He evoked real reactions from these unsuspecting victims, causing hilariously uncomfortable and awkward situations. His three staple characters (Ali G, Borat and Bruno) each gained their own spin-off feature film, with the Ali G Indahouse being the only truly 100% scripted effort. Ali G Indahouse was by far the worst of the three, as it struggled to translate what made these characters great (“reality comedy”) into a 90 minute fictional script. Cohen’s latest character, General Admiral Aladeen, the featured star of his new film The Dictator, suffers the same fate as Ali G. The unique comedic essence of “punking” people in real life is completely lost, resulting in a very disappointing outing from someone with such comedic balls.

There’s not much to say about this story, as it follows a cookie-cutter comedic formula that we’ve seen a thousand times. Our antagonist is a bad guy doing really bad things to start off. He brutally rules a fictional North African country (Wadiya), in which he has people executed on command for simply disagreeing with him, and has a plethora of paintings and statues on display throughout the country to showcase his supreme greatness. It’s an attempt to parody the Totalitarian landscape of the Middle East and North Korea which have thoroughly complicated international affairs over the past throughout history, and have directly and indirectly caused many wars and political conflicts. But, you knew that.

Cookie-cutter formula continues. We then see our bad guy, Aladeen, go through a personal journey of enlightenment and self-awakening, after his identity gets taken away when his iconic beard is cut off at a United Nations summit in New York (foul play by a trusted ally?), and then, thanks to the help of a romantic interest (horribly played by the sometimes unbearable Anna Faris) realizes the error of his ways and tries to make things right.

Timely? Yes. We get it. Kim Jong Il recently died. He was a dictator, too. And the Libyan uprising caused by Muammar Gaddafi’s genocide was a constant headline for most of last year, until he was killed by his own citizens. Funny? Sometimes. There are some raunchy gags that made me chuckle, like anyone with a funny bone. But the attempt at parody or to paint any kind of insightful or intelligent picture on such a serious matter, like Borat knocked out of the park, is completely absent. Borat exposed America’s inherent bigotry towards racism, sexism and terrorism, in a hilarious and unconventional way. The Dictator? Not sure about you, but seeing Aladeen assist in delivering a baby by shoving his hands up a woman’s vagina, losing his cell phone in her uterus, and then spending several minutes trying to retrieve it (featuring several POV shots from inside her uterus) is not funny at all. I literally facepalmed during the entire sequence.

You may say, “why are you over-thinking this? It’s outrageous, raunchy Sacha!” Well, who Cohen is as a comedian, pointing out the hypocrisy and flaws of American culture, sets the precedent for his future efforts. He attempts similar call-outs in The Dictator, but within the outrageous scripted environment in which it’s set, it falls completely flat. As in the film, Aladeen addresses the media and spouts off a list of things, sarcastically/ironically, that America “Isn’t”…i.e. “America isn’t a country that blatantly divides social classes and hides inherent racism,” etc, etc, etc. Cohen tries to inject some actual satirical substance that “says something” in this speech, but you can’t have 90 minutes of dick and fart jokes, and then try to make a true metaphorical statement in 90 seconds.

Another wasted opportunity with The Dictator is the lack of notable memorable moments from well-known actors in supporting roles, and lazy pop culture references to generate LOLs. Aladeen gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He’s the “Supreme Leader,” as he’s often referred to by his subjects throughout the film. But seeing him bang Megan Fox in exchange for money, at which point he gives her a jewel and she scoffly responds “What am I, a Kardashian?” is an extremely lazy attempt to randomly integrate a pop culture reference to garner laughs. We all know who the Kardashians are, and know that they’re famous for having sex! LOL. Come on, Cohen. You’re better than that. John C. Reilly is a brighter spot, on this subject, at playing a bigoted Secret Service agent in charge of Aladeen’s security. He blatantly rips on Aladeen for being an “Arab” peppered  with a slew of other racial insults. It’s a chuckle-worthy parody on America’s Right Wing/Tea Party hatred for the Middle East (and pretty much all foreigners) but that’s about it.

It’s just really disappointing for me – both as a big fan of Cohen and someone who loves raunchy humor. For me, The Dictator doesn’t work with what it’s trying to accomplish (parody the hypocrisy and appalling existence of a deplorable world leader) and with what makes Cohen a great comedian (interacting with real people while portraying these ridiculous characters, and letting the real reactions from them BE the comedy in and of itself).

The Dictator is definitely worth seeing once, as there are a few funny moments. But I would absolutely advise not paying money to see it in theaters.

What Should You Do? Wait for DVD or Netflix.

GRADE: C

A Tim Burton movie starring Johnny Depp? Say what? Of course I’m kidding, because this is not the first time this pair has collaborated with one another — not to mention another Burton regular Danny Elfman scoring Dark Shadows and Helena Bonham Carter also being in the mix. All the familiar sights and sounds were there, but towards the end I was just hoping it would end quickly. All the cards on the table, I am not a big fan of Tim Burton anyway. He’s just not my type of storyteller. Even aside from this obvious bias, Dark Shadows is not a very good movie — most of all because I could not buy into or care for Depp’s Barnabas Collins, his plight, or any of the other supporting cast members.

The stunning Eva Green stars as the conniving witch Angelique who goes crazy when Barnabas will not return her love. She uses her dark magic to kill Barnabas’ true love, his parents, she haunts his family, she overtakes the Collins’ fishing business, and worst of all, she makes Depp’s character even pastier by turning him into a vampire and locking him in a steel coffin for centuries — he eventually breaks free in the 1970′s awaking in an era he is completely unfamiliar with. This led to some comical proceedings, but Barnabas’ fish-out-of-water antics grew old far too quickly. His plight to get revenge on Eva Green’s manipulative character didn’t carry much weight either, despite their chemistry onscreen together — the story and all its unfolding pieces were tired.

The film had a strong supporting cast in Jackie Earle Haley, Chloë Grace Moretz, Helena Bonham Carter, Jonny Lee Miller, and Michelle Pfeiffer. Even amidst all these notable names, none really brought anything of worth to the table minus Haley. His role was humorous and one of the few bright spots in the aforementioned ‘blah’ supporting cast.

The biggest downfall of Dark Shadows came from Barnabas trying ever so desperately to win the heart of the Collins family nanny. Despite the film dedicating so much time to this storyline, there was no heart in the proceedings, I felt no drive to will them together as an audience member. The pair had no chemistry, a stark contrast from Barnabas and the film’s antagonist Angelique. Even with the conflict between the two, the odd couple had some of the best scenes in the movie together — not to mention one of the absolute worst sex scenes I’ve ever seen.

Overall, Dark Shadows may please die-hard Burton fans who blindly follow his work, but I even doubt they will be pleased. For the rest of us, this comes off as another disappointment, something that has become more common in recent Burton flicks. The film lacks a sense of humanity to make us care about the characters and lacks chemistry between Depp’s character and his depicted love. Again, I’ve never been a fan of Burton’s work (except for Big Fish) and this film is another example why — overly pasty white people, a trivial story intertwined with dark elements and images mixed with a light-hearted Elfman soundtrack does nothing for me.

What Should You Do? Skip this one in the theater. If you’re really curious, wait for the rental.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery

GRADE: A

The last couple of months Marvel has been in-your-face with The Avengers marketing team working in full force. While I had reservations about showing so much of the film in teasers, trailers, featurettes, behind-the-scenes photos, and other sorts of promotion, the marketing team effectively sold this movie without giving away too much. Only one big moment was ruined by a trailer, something that is more common these days than not. Thankfully, there was so much more to this film than what was shown in all these previews. The Avengers was a fun-filled, surprisingly funny, Summer blockbuster that will give The Dark Knight Rises a worthy foe for the crown of Summer Box Office King.

I still remember watching Iron Man for the first time and Samuel L. Jackson appearing as Nick Fury after the credits sequence teasing “The Avengers Initiative.” I had a hard time wrapping my head around how a movie like this could ever happen, much less actually work. So many big stars to put together — assembling the team alone into one film is nothing short of remarkable. The Avengers turning out this well is even more remarkable. I had many doubts about this film when it was being drawn up — how are all these alpha males going to share the screen with one another? Is there a movie long enough to tell this story? What foe could possibly hold up against a whole team of superheroes?

I mean, think about this as a sequel to four movies. That many sequels all coming together for one storyline is unheard of. With the high expectations of fans, the pressure to make this film work as a whole, the involvement of such big names, and the huge amount of money dumped into the project, The Avengers turned out as good as any comic fan and Marvel Studio Executive could ever dream. This effort should please the fans and the amount of money it’s already raking in should please the studio. With all the pressure that surrounded this project, the end result was a diamond of sorts.

Now, The Avengers isn’t the sort of movie that’s going to evoke deep thought or impress with underlying narratives, but it’s going to entertain you for over two hours. It isn’t deep and it doesn’t pretend to be. It’s fun and light-hearted for the most part. The story was slow to start, similar to a train leaving a station, but 15 minutes in the movie was running at full steam. This first portion of the film was completely necessary and worthwhile to set up the great Tom Hiddleston’s Loki as the mighty adversary for our group of heroes.

The Avengers featured some of the best action sequences ever envisioned onscreen. The way Whedon weaved the camera through the epic battles from character to character kept the audience on the edge of their seat and on the front lines of the battle. The action sequences had so much going on, but it never felt overwhelming. There was always something at stake, but it was always fun.

The show was metaphorically stolen by Robert Downey Jr. He was without a doubt the biggest presence in the film and the only superhero that actually experienced some notable development. Tony Stark is also my favorite superhero from the bunch — not to mention Iron Man is my favorite film of the ‘prequels’ that led to this alliance of superheroes.

Another thing worth noting is the 3D, which thankfully was another success of this film. I don’t usually find 3D to be rewarding — most of my many 3D experiences I’d chalk it up to distracting. But The Avengers never tried gimmicky tricks like throwing objects at the screen. The 3D added depth to the image and raised the action to another level. It was crisp and the image wasn’t too dark because of the glasses. The last film to impress me with 3D was Transformers: Dark of the Moon last Summer, so these 3D endorsements don’t come often.

The last thing I will praise is the chemistry this team of heroes oozed from their first moments together. Sure, off the bat they struggled fitting their egos into the same room, but the back half of the movie they banded together to save Earth. With this camaraderie came the usual male ego driven banter, much of if quite funny. One thing that will surprise most is how funny The Avengers is. This again was where the levity of Downey’s character dazzled.

Overall, The Avengers is the definition of a Summer movie for the masses. The film is full of excellent action, perfectly timed comedy, and plenty of eye candy for men and women alike. Joss Whedon outdid himself with this superhero mashup — few in the business could pull off a movie on this scale so well. The Avengers was as good as it could possibly be.

What Should You Do? Do yourself a favor by seeing to this fun-filled action romp on the big screen. If you aren’t impressed, you don’t like movies.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery

GRADE: B

Sure many of you have not heard of The Raid: Redemption, but the film has slowly worked itself from foreign film to small American markets to a fairly wide distribution. The reason this film’s reach has expanded so much centers around the breathtaking action sequences that evoke “ooos & aahhs” from the watching audience. This film features some of the most violent and brutal action sequences I’ve ever witnessed. The Raid: Redemption is not for the faint of heart — it’s for those hardcore adrenaline junkies who are missing out with today’s mainstream American action flicks.

The story is paper thin, surrounding a main character who with a team of SWAT enters a sketchy apartment building seeking to rid the complex of it’s tyrannical and ruthless landlord. Upon entering, the team discovers just how well protected this kingpin is — getting past all the legions of henchmen to his penthouse on the fifteenth floor will prove fatal for so many.

The film took way too long to pick up. It was easily a full 25 minutes of slow set up and boring exposition before the action-heavy and violent proceedings finally got underway. The film is a mindless action flick with little else but amazing fight sequences to captivate the audience — taking so long to get into the groove is a definite demerit. As I sat bored in the first portion of the film I thought The Raid: Redemption was less than mediocre — then the action hit high gear.

The film’s action was shot with the type of precision and clarity that very few action movies in America employ. Lately we’ve been exposed to movies that favor lighting quick cuts and extreme close ups that prevent the audience for discerning what is going on within the fray. We are led to believe there is action taking place, we just can’t really tell exactly what. But that is not the case with The Raid: Redemption, a film that visualizes and displays the action with such clarity the audience can soak in every gory detail — even though sometimes the gory details are stomach wrenching to take in.

Overall, The Raid: Redemption should be on the radar of anyone who loves action with a hard R rating backing it all up. Forget all these PG-13 movies with so-so stories and indecipherable action — might as well spend some time reading a few subtitles to understand a insubstantial story in order to ingest some savage action sequences.

What Should You Do? This film features some of the grittiest and barbaric fight sequences ever put on film. If that is something you’d be interested in, make a date with The Raid: Redemption.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery

GRADE: A

Sure, most of us have seen Titanic before, but many missed the opportunity to see it on the big screen the first time around. I was amongst those few and I wanted to see Titanic 3D not only for the chance to see it projected at the theater, but also to get a look at James Cameron’s attempt at creating a worthwhile post conversion 3D experience. Despite me still having gripes about pieces of the 3D in the film, this post conversion effort was the best I’ve seen to date.

The story follows ‘the ship of dreams’ that ended up being a ship of nightmares. Believe it or not, Titanic 3D is based on a TRUE story. Now some of you may be thinking, “duh.” But there were hundreds, if not thousands of people on social media claiming to have just found out the ship sinking was real. I don’t doubt it for a second, because the typical American teenager is borderline retarded.

The movie minus the 3D is of course great. For those of you rolling your eyes, come on. Even minus the love story, which I think is pretty good (especially when it’s played out by two of the greatest actors on the planet), James Cameron masterfully interprets one of the greatest ocean disasters. Before this film hit the pages of a script I had a childhood obsession with the Titanic. The ‘unsinkable ship’ had a quick and violent death plunging into the freezing Atlantic — 1,517 of 2,223 dead in mere hours. The arrogance of man cost the lives of so many. This narrative also plays a key part in Cameron’s tale watching Mr. Andrews, Captain Smith, and Mr. Ishmay talking about the ships impending demise.

Mr. Andrews: The pumps buy you time, but minutes only. From this moment, no matter what we do, Titanic will founder.

Mr. Ishmay: “But this ship can’t sink!” 

Mr. Andrews: She’s made of iron, sir! I assure you, she can… and she will. It is a mathematical certainty. 

Seeing this movie on the big screen was everything I’d hope it would be. The sound design was front and center when Jack and Rose were running through the bowels of the ship while Titanic gasped and groaned her last breaths. The theater sound system created tension unlike any home viewing experience. The fear of the ship breaking apart and disappearing into the cold night water was palpable — even seeing this movie for the umpteenth time I was a little afraid.

Now, I’m sure what most are talking about when considering the 3D is the quality of the visuals during the sinking and Kate Winslet’s boobs. James Cameron has the best 3D efforts to date and the man is a perfectionist — so it’s safe to say Cameron wouldn’t stamp his name on the film unless the 3D was up to his standards. But even considering that, I would say the pros of the 3D conversion pushed with the cons. The action pieces in 3D looked crisp, but the dimming effect of the glasses was again at play. It felt as if Titanic 3D wasn’t re-color corrected after the 3D upgrade — most of the colors in the film felt like they were just a small shade of grey too dark — wonder where that came from?

Overall, any fan of Titanic will find it worthwhile to spend the 3D bucks to revisit a classic, to see it on the big screen again, and this time with a little third dimension flare. Sure we’re giving Cameron more money to see an old movie, but this effort should be worth it to most. And let’s put this Rose-hogging-the-floating-wood-thing to rest right now with some knowledge from Dwight Schrute — follow me.

What Should You Do? If you’ve never seen Titanic, see it now. If you miss the times watching it on the big screen, see it now. If you are curious about watching the ’3D King Cameron’ reworking this film, see it now.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery

GRADE: C-

The Cabin in the Woods looks like the conventional horror flick where a band of good looking younglings congregate to party at a creepy north woods cabin only to be interrupted by a merciless killer. But don’t take this film at face value, because there are many hidden secrets buried within. In this review I won’t spend a second going deeper into said secrets, because this is something you should discover on your own should you decide to see it.

The film will intrigue you to find out answers to the questions it poses early on. Like I said, this film pretends to be a run-of-the-mill horror flick, but it isn’t. For that reason alone, the intrigue of finding out what makes The Cabin in the Woods unique, could make this film worth it to you. For me, finding out those answers was more disappointing than rewarding. It’s quite difficult to completely express myself without ruining the film, but I will try.

Chris Hemsworth, aka Thor, stars in this flick as a jock leading the group on the cabin adventure. The group is filled with archetype characters, but to be fair, that was the filmmakers intent. The film at times, well, most of the time, felt like a parody of a bad horror film. But then other times it appeared to take itself seriously. Which is it?

If the filmmakers were going for a parody, the should have went all out. Make it funny, make it stupid. There were funny parts, mostly coming from the stoner character who sees all the angles but no one takes seriously because ‘he’s just high’, but they were too scarce to make a comedic impact. If they were going the serious route, create a human connection so the audience cares when these people die. The Cabin in the Woods didn’t execute either of these ideas well. It was a meta-film with so many concepts mashed together it didn’t feel like there was a clear focus.

I get that writers Joss Whedon and Drew Gooddard were trying to meld together genres and create a whole new take on horror — but this honestly felt like a bad attempt at a horror parody. Combining horror with what turns into a blend of fantasy didn’t work for me either. Instead of finding what worked, it felt like the pair of filmmakers were just writing down cool ideas and jumbling them into a feature film. And by good ideas, there are some real gems in The Cabin in the Woods. The imagination at play is an enticing experience to behold.

Because of this genre mashup, the tone of this film was consistently off. There were plenty of scenes where the characters were being terrorized and then the scene would jump elsewhere, completely taking away the tension of the situation. I also felt large portions of the film were under-explained and rushed completely. By the end I felt unsatisfied. I wanted to understand what this film was trying to say. The combination of all these genres left me cheated out of a real cinematic experience.

Overall, The Cabin in the Woods felt misguided — it never quite found its footing. There were so many moments when I didn’t know whether I should laugh at the characters or pity them. While I don’t believe the filmmakers need to spell everything out for the audience, I do believe it’s important to clearly establish what they are trying to accomplish.

What Should You Do? It’s worth a look, because others have adored it (it currently stands at 92% on RottenTomatoes), but I’d wait for the DVD.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery

GRADE: B-

Did we really need a fourth American Pie? Absolutely not. But considering I spent time with the previous three films this ‘final’ chapter (don’t be surprised if there is American Pie 5: Hey, We’re 50!) was something I had to make time for, and it was worthwhile for more reasons than one. While this film is chocked full of fading and faded stars, it’s nice to see the East Great Falls graduating class of 1999 back together. Most of you should expect a lot of laughs in this film and the best thing about American Reunion was definitely the humor. Many pieces were childish and disgusting, but some of those were arguably the funniest parts. If you liked or laughed at any of the previous three films, American Reunion will not disappoint.

The film picks up as these close high school friends have lost touch after growing up and moving away, getting married with kids in the mix, and focusing on careers. The gang decides to reunite back in Michigan for their high school reunion. This of course leads to new shenanigans, meeting up with old friends, and experiencing feelings of past love.

While some of the American Reunion actors still have legitimate careers like Seann William Scott, Alyson Hannigan, and John Cho, the rest of the cast was pulled away from their panhandling duties on street corners to make another film. Tara Reid, who hasn’t starred in a notable film in ten years, looked utterly lost in American Reunion. It appeared as if this was her first time in front of a camera — her delivery was stale and completely unconvincing. Almost everything she said was funny because of the awful way she delivered it. Seriously, she was so bad she couldn’t even pretend to sleep with conviction.

The comedy was definitely front and center. There were plenty of big laughs drawing out waves of rambunctious noise from the midnight showing. Some were brought on by potty humor, others with good one liners, but most of the hilarity once again surrounded Stifler. In the previous films I always had a difficult time liking ‘The Stif-Meister’, but since then Seann William Scott has grown on me. Stifler is still his annoying, lewd, brash self, but this time around with a little humanity. He still pushes everyone’s buttons and acts like an idiot, but for the most part, Stifler is finally a likable dick, and not one just to laugh at.

The biggest problem in American Reunion was how much shit the writers tried to jam down the audiences’ throat. Almost every spotlighted character in this series had to make an appearance — some worked, but others were so forced it was ridiculous (Shannon Elizabeth’s appearance comes to mind).

All the five main male characters had the same story arc — they all have assumptions for how the weekend will turn out that are spoiled by unexpected circumstances. Jim is stalked by a sexy 18 year-old seductress, Kevin wonders if his feelings for Vicky are still alive despite being married, Finch has the truth about his past revealed, Stifler wants the party to last forever, and Oz has a change of heart despite having a supermodel girlfriend. They all screw up big time and have to smooth everything over at the reunion — afterwords, every conceivable storyline is wrapped up with a pretty red bow.

Granted, predictability is expected seeing this is a dumb humor romp. But American Reunion was 113 minutes — not acceptable for this type of movie. It felt painstakingly long as the film took forever to reach the third act, the moment when everyone makes up for all their preposterous mishaps. The middle portion of the film brought the worst possible outcome for every character — it got old — and then they all had fix their ‘big’ problems. I wanted to scream sometimes with the excess of contrived absurd moments and the blatant attempts to pull on my heartstrings. I know, I know, it’s American Pie, but a man has his limits.

Overall, any fan of the American Pie franchise will enjoy this fourth chapter in the series. It of course brings everything full circle, it has the same characters so many grew up loving, and it was quite funny throughout. It had a lot of moments that dragged however. It was bogged down by trying too hard to fit more and more crap into the progression. Despite American Reunion feeling forced and overtly staged, it’s a moronic comedy (so I won’t read too far into it), and I laughed quite a bit.

What Should You Do? If you liked Stifler and Co. in the past, this should be worth a trip to the theater.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery 

GRADE: D+

For those hoping Wrath of the Titans would turn out better than its predecessor, I can assure it’s only marginally better than Clash of the Titans. Better is good, but considering the 2010 film was a visual nightmare and an awful movie, don’t count a victory Warner Bros. I’ve talked to plenty of people who enjoyed Clash of the Titans — if you’re one of those few, the sequel should be right up your alley. For the rest of us, stay clear of Sam Worthington’s latest, it doesn’t deserve your support at the box office.

This time around Worthington’s Perseus has a son and the two are fishermen far away from the perils of war — but this cannot last as his father Zeus (Liam Neeson) pays him a visit to tell him there is conflict on the horizon. Ralph Fiennes reprises his role as Hades and seeks to unleash a volcanic “unstoppable” god named Kronos. This pits Perseus against the destructive force of the mountain high, lava spewing, supposed father of the Gods.

Just like Clash of the Titans, this 2012 sequel built up to a final showdown with a gigantic foe — the first time around it was the Kracken, this time Kronos. The funny thing is that both movies had similar payoffs once these towering adversaries were revealed and wreaking havoc, nothing but a disappointing and anti-climatic finish. Despite Kronos being pitted as a sort of criminal mastermind cooking up this whole elaborate scheme so he could break free of his prison, he never says anything audible or poses any threat outside of his slow slashing lava-filled punches. Kronos looked awesome, but he wasn’t menacing or villainous at all, and he only was actually in the movie for like 20 minutes.

The worst part of the story by far was the 100+ pages of rubbish called a script. The story played out very similar to the first. Even the ending was the same, where everyone in the world is screwed and helpless in the face of Kronos (or the Kracken) until Perseus swoops in and saves the day at the last foreseeable second. This story was also full of many implausible convenient twists of fate — my eyes were getting sore I was rolling them so much.

The 3D visuals in Wrath of the Titans looked better than the first go-round, but that isn’t saying much considering Clash of the Titans featured the worst 3D I’ve ever seen. This 2012 effort isn’t wasted, but it acts as an example of a gimmicky 3D movie. The third dimension didn’t add anything of note to the film. It was barely noticeable in the action sequences. The only times the 3D stood out was when crap was flying at the screen, the cheapest, most gimmicky function of 3D.

By far the worst character was Rosamund Pike playing Queen Andromeda. In the first film this character was feeble and the ‘damsel in distress’ played by a brunette (Alexa Davalos) — in the sequel the character Andromeda was drastically different starting with the blonde-haired Pike. For some reason the writers decided to have Pike play a strong-willed Queen leading an army of troops. Despite showing this character commanding respect as a military strategist and wielding a sword and armor, she was worthless as a warrior in battle. She never once did anything worthwhile that would warrant her being part of this journey — her role was simply to look pretty.

Lastly, I wanted to comment on Jonathan Liebesman’s work as director on this project. The man is set to direct the new film Ninja Turtles, and after seeing Wrath of the Titans, I am less than enthused he is helming the project. Just like Battle: Los Angeles, this movie featured messy and oftentimes indecipherable action. It wasn’t as bad as Gary Ross’ work in The Hunger Games, but it was enough to make the action unpleasant to watch. This is not something that bodes well for a man directing a movie filled with action surrounding the art of being a ninja.

Overall, Wrath of the Titans is only a slightly better effort than the first. The 3D wasn’t downright awful like it’s predecessor, but I still wouldn’t consider it worth the extra ticket price. This is one of those movies people will laugh at because it’s so dumb — the characters were forgettable, their dialogue was laughable pun-laden trash, and the story had the same framework as the first bomb. Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson must’ve received gigantic paychecks to be in not one, but two of these dreadful films. Shame on them.

What Should You Do? Like Clash of the Titans, I disliked the sequel very much. My recommendation: don’t contribute to this film to assure a third never sees the light of day.