GRADE: C-

Not sure what the creative meeting was like when Battleship was green-lit to become a movie:

Universal Exec 1: “OK. So, those Transformer movies were based off popular 80′s toys, and like, made a lot of money and stuff. What other game and/or toy can we use to base a $200 million summer blockbuster on?”
Universal Exec 2: “Uhhh, how about Battleship?”
Universal Exec 1: “(looks around the table) Sounds good to me!”

I think of it this way, because the eventual end product that became Battleship the movie, could not have had any more thought to it than that. It’s a non-stop explosion/VFX-fest that is entertaining (at times), but due to nonsensical plot holes and a truly terrible script, it’s a summer blockbuster that should never had been made. And with it’s absolute bombing (pun intended) at the box-office this weekend (taking in an abysmal $25 million), a lot of people are about to get canned at Universal… John Carter-style.

Alien-invasion movies don’t really need to have a lot of substance. We get it. Aliens invade Earth to exterminate the human race out of sheer imperialist nature, or to exploit our resources in one way or another. We don’t need a deep, philosophical subtext while watching spaceships fly about, like 2009′s District 9 did. But the complete lack of any sort of character development, as well as an eyebrow-raising explanation of who these aliens are and why they’re even here (or lack thereof), make this film painful to sit through at certain points.

This glaring omission of any sort of substance is completely a result of the script, which is awful. Something that is more tangibly noticeable from the script, in addition to the story elements described above, is the atrocious dialogue. The dialogue in this film is so bad, that it makes usually good actors, terrible. Alexander Skarsgard is awesome on HBO’s True Blood, through which he has proven to be a very capable dramatic actor. In Battleship he plays the older, wiser brother to the film’s lead (Taylor Kitsch) and in the opening scene he attempts to impose inspirational wisdom to get his younger brother to stop fucking around and live up to his “potential;” which is quite literally the only (and cliché) theme of Kitsch’s character development. The dialogue in this scene made me cringe. I couldn’t look at the actors while they were speaking at times. A reaction that was constant throughout the film.

Also in the realm of bad acting come Rihanna and Kitsch. Look, I love Rihanna, but she needs to take break from movies or take some acting classes ASAP, as she just couldn’t deliver her lines with any sort of credibility. Like, it was bad. Something that surely didn’t help was the script, but I’d like to know why the fuck director Peter Berg cast her in this film (besides her star status)…if he actually “saw something” in her. Cuz I sure didn’t see it. As for Kitsch, he is our generation’s Keanu Reeves. He’s charismatic, yes, but the dude really struggled in delivering his lines with conviction of any kind. Something that may be suited for a “turn your brain off” film like Battleship (as Keanu proved with The Matrix films), so I’ll reserve judgement on his career until he does a truly dramatic film that is 100% dependent on his acting chops.

The one saving grace of this film was the visual effects and action sequences (shot well by Berg), which were a feast for the eyes and ears. One of the best examples of this are these mechanical destroyer wheels that the alien ships shoot out onto the mainland that basically cut, rip and destroy anything in their path. When these things are tearing shit up, it’s pretty cool, and the VFX team should be applauded for their efforts, no doubt. On the downside, of my major gripes with the VFX team, and I guess conceptually via the design team, are the look of the aliens. From the trailers and TV spots you can see that their bodies are similar to humans. Two legs and two arms, while wearing these Halo-esque space suits. But when their helmets are taken off and we get a good look at their faces, it’s just really stupid-looking. A climactic reveal that made me say out loud: “That’s what they look like?!” I won’t go into detail on their appearance, but suffice to say, it’s super lame.

I’m glad I got to see Battleship for free. A sentiment I often refer to when I see a bad movie. Will I buy it on Blu-ray? Absolutely not. Will I use it as background noise while cleaning my apartment on a Saturday afternoon when it’s on cable? Maybe.

What Should You Do? Skip it.

GRADE: C

Sacha Baron Cohen first made his mark on the short-lived, but hysterical HBO comedy The Ali G Show back in 2003. What made that such a cult classic amongst comedy lovers was his interaction with real people while portraying these ridiculous satirical characters. He evoked real reactions from these unsuspecting victims, causing hilariously uncomfortable and awkward situations. His three staple characters (Ali G, Borat and Bruno) each gained their own spin-off feature film, with the Ali G Indahouse being the only truly 100% scripted effort. Ali G Indahouse was by far the worst of the three, as it struggled to translate what made these characters great (“reality comedy”) into a 90 minute fictional script. Cohen’s latest character, General Admiral Aladeen, the featured star of his new film The Dictator, suffers the same fate as Ali G. The unique comedic essence of “punking” people in real life is completely lost, resulting in a very disappointing outing from someone with such comedic balls.

There’s not much to say about this story, as it follows a cookie-cutter comedic formula that we’ve seen a thousand times. Our antagonist is a bad guy doing really bad things to start off. He brutally rules a fictional North African country (Wadiya), in which he has people executed on command for simply disagreeing with him, and has a plethora of paintings and statues on display throughout the country to showcase his supreme greatness. It’s an attempt to parody the Totalitarian landscape of the Middle East and North Korea which have thoroughly complicated international affairs over the past throughout history, and have directly and indirectly caused many wars and political conflicts. But, you knew that.

Cookie-cutter formula continues. We then see our bad guy, Aladeen, go through a personal journey of enlightenment and self-awakening, after his identity gets taken away when his iconic beard is cut off at a United Nations summit in New York (foul play by a trusted ally?), and then, thanks to the help of a romantic interest (horribly played by the sometimes unbearable Anna Faris) realizes the error of his ways and tries to make things right.

Timely? Yes. We get it. Kim Jong Il recently died. He was a dictator, too. And the Libyan uprising caused by Muammar Gaddafi’s genocide was a constant headline for most of last year, until he was killed by his own citizens. Funny? Sometimes. There are some raunchy gags that made me chuckle, like anyone with a funny bone. But the attempt at parody or to paint any kind of insightful or intelligent picture on such a serious matter, like Borat knocked out of the park, is completely absent. Borat exposed America’s inherent bigotry towards racism, sexism and terrorism, in a hilarious and unconventional way. The Dictator? Not sure about you, but seeing Aladeen assist in delivering a baby by shoving his hands up a woman’s vagina, losing his cell phone in her uterus, and then spending several minutes trying to retrieve it (featuring several POV shots from inside her uterus) is not funny at all. I literally facepalmed during the entire sequence.

You may say, “why are you over-thinking this? It’s outrageous, raunchy Sacha!” Well, who Cohen is as a comedian, pointing out the hypocrisy and flaws of American culture, sets the precedent for his future efforts. He attempts similar call-outs in The Dictator, but within the outrageous scripted environment in which it’s set, it falls completely flat. As in the film, Aladeen addresses the media and spouts off a list of things, sarcastically/ironically, that America “Isn’t”…i.e. “America isn’t a country that blatantly divides social classes and hides inherent racism,” etc, etc, etc. Cohen tries to inject some actual satirical substance that “says something” in this speech, but you can’t have 90 minutes of dick and fart jokes, and then try to make a true metaphorical statement in 90 seconds.

Another wasted opportunity with The Dictator is the lack of notable memorable moments from well-known actors in supporting roles, and lazy pop culture references to generate LOLs. Aladeen gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He’s the “Supreme Leader,” as he’s often referred to by his subjects throughout the film. But seeing him bang Megan Fox in exchange for money, at which point he gives her a jewel and she scoffly responds “What am I, a Kardashian?” is an extremely lazy attempt to randomly integrate a pop culture reference to garner laughs. We all know who the Kardashians are, and know that they’re famous for having sex! LOL. Come on, Cohen. You’re better than that. John C. Reilly is a brighter spot, on this subject, at playing a bigoted Secret Service agent in charge of Aladeen’s security. He blatantly rips on Aladeen for being an “Arab” peppered  with a slew of other racial insults. It’s a chuckle-worthy parody on America’s Right Wing/Tea Party hatred for the Middle East (and pretty much all foreigners) but that’s about it.

It’s just really disappointing for me – both as a big fan of Cohen and someone who loves raunchy humor. For me, The Dictator doesn’t work with what it’s trying to accomplish (parody the hypocrisy and appalling existence of a deplorable world leader) and with what makes Cohen a great comedian (interacting with real people while portraying these ridiculous characters, and letting the real reactions from them BE the comedy in and of itself).

The Dictator is definitely worth seeing once, as there are a few funny moments. But I would absolutely advise not paying money to see it in theaters.

What Should You Do? Wait for DVD or Netflix.

And we’re baaaaaaaack! In this week’s edition of The MashCast, Matthew, Josh and I discuss the big week in superhero blockbuster geekism, that being the release of The Avengers over the weekend, our thoughts of the film and it’s massive box-office success. We also take a deep dive on the new (amazing) final theatrical trailer for The Dark Knight Rises, and discuss whether it has a shot at challenge Hulk and Thor at the box-office this July.

Click play below to listen, and as always please share your thoughts in the comments and/or on Twitter: #MashCast.

Download audio file (Episode-8_-_I-Forgot-To-Go-To-Gander-Mountain-and-Get-Arrows_.mp3)

What Do You Think? Discuss.

One of my current and ongoing obsessions is finding Nicolas Cage videos, memes, gifs and any sort of internet hilarity that rips on the actor. As we all know, Cage has become known more for his odd (aka horrible) film choices, than being an actual actor; translating into a constant onslaught of crap. This is a couple years old but I came across this College Humor video today whilst parusing on YouTube, and it features Nicolas Cage’s agent begging and pleading with him to not choose to do every film that comes his way. It doesn’t go so well, and the result is pretty damn funny.

My favorite upcoming Nic Cage project is Puke Bus (featured above), but all of them are pure awesomeness. Watch Nicolas Cage’s Agent below.

What Do You Think? Discuss.

What a day today has been. Usually the standard procedure for a big trailer release (specifically with Warner Bros.) is to attach their trailer to the next upcoming big blockbuster (like they’re doing with The Avengers this weekend) and then release the trailer online the following Monday. Well, seemingly to take the wind out of Marvel’s sails, this morning WB kicked off the long-dormant viral marketing campaign for the film, where fans had to tweet a picture Bat symbols painted on outdoor locations around the world with the hashtag #TDKR07202012, which slowly revealed stills from trailer #3. To our gleeful surprise, once all locations were found, they graciously released the trailer online. And it’s…EPIC. Check it out after the break.

Watch the third and final theatrical trailer for The Dark Knight Rises below.

Instead of a long dissection of the awesomeness you’ve just seen, I wanted to layout a couple things worth noting:

• John Blake (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a MAJOR part of this film. He was prominently featured in this trailer, including several scenes with Selina Kyle; seemingly to display that the two are working together in some capacity to help Batman.
• Bane’s voice is loud and CLEAR! One of the major complaints from the prologue was the fact that people had trouble understanding Tom Hardy’s dialogue, as it was muffled under his mask. Well, it seems that Nolan & Co. have taken note and have done some re-touching in the sound booth, and he sounds amazing.
• Anne Hathaway is going to KILL IT. The other ongoing reservation fans have had, has been the casting of Hathaway as Catwoman/Selina Kyle, most notably that she “won’t be able to pull it off.” Well, she looked drop-dead gorgeous and was thoroughly convincing in her screen time; as well as bad ass in the short cut of her kicking ass. So, chillax, bros and gals.
• What makes me so excited for this film, on top of the fact that it’s FUCKING NOLAN, and I’m a lifelong Batman fan, is that this is really is an epic CONCLUSION to this story. This is the end of a trilogy. The end of a dynasty. And we are all witnessing cinematic history in the making. An epic moment in time that puts TDKR above the rest of 2012′s film slate as movie of the year.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to re-watch this trailer til’ I fall asleep.

The Dark Knight Rises hits theaters July 20th.

What Do You Think? Discuss.

The brilliant viral marketing for Prometheus (featuring Michael Fassbender’s David robot character) kicked off a few weeks ago, and with June fast-approaching, the marketing train continues to chug along with this new 3-minute international trailer, that should keep the drool dripping from your lips. It follows a similar setup (music/montage of clips) from the second theatrical trailer released last month, but featuring a slew of new bone-chilling shots and images of the crew’s imending doom as they encounter the unknown alien lifeforms. Check it out after the break.

Watch the international trailer for Prometheus below. The film hits theaters

[via Collider]

What Do You Think? Discuss.

Today…is a great day. After bitching and moaning for months of the complete silence from Warner Bros. releasing anything official of The Dark Knight Rises, today Entertainment Weekly unveiled their annual Summer Movie Preview issue featuring Catwoman (Anne Hathaway) and Batman (Christian Bale) on the cover. The issue is apparently on newstands now (although I couldn’t Effing find it anywhere). Anyway, check out A LOT of TDKR goodies after the break.

Now, first and foremost, check out the full EW cover featuring Batman and Catwoman’s full suits, looking, of course, badass.

This TDKR-centric issue features a pretty juicy plethora of interviews where Nolan discusses the nuances of Selina Kyle, Tom Hardy puts the “voice issue” into context, and Anne Hathaway spills on the intense physical preparation she had to go through for her role as Catwoman:

Christopher Nolan on Bane and Selina Kyle/Catwoman

[Bane] represents formidable physical strength, combined with absolute evil of intention. [Selina Kyle] has a very strong way of protecting herself and those she cares about, which implies an underlying darkness.

Tom Hardy on Bane and his voice

It’s a risk, because we could be laughed at — or it could be very fresh and exciting,” says Hardy, adding that the voice he developed was influenced by many factors, including a desire to honor the comic book character’s brains and Caribbean heritage. “The audience mustn’t be too concerned about the mumbly voice,” says Hardy. “As the film progresses, I think you’ll be able to tune to its setting.

Anne Hathaway on training for Catwoman

I had to physically transform,” says Hathaway, calling from London, where she’s currently shooting Les Misérables with Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe. “Chris sat me down at the beginning and said, ‘Joseph Gordon-Levitt did all of his own fighting in Inception. That one zero-gravity fight? He trained for two months.’ I basically left his office and went to the gym and just came out about five minutes ago.

So there you have it folks. Selina Kyle is going to be a very nuanced, sympathetic yet a mysteriously motivated character, Hathaway is going to kick some ass, and we all just need to take a breath on Bane’s voice. Nolan & Hardy got this.

Lastly, thanks to the good folks at NolanFans, we have some scans of the EW TDKR spread with productions stills of Catwoman breaking into a safe, Bruce Wayne and Lucious Fox discussing the chaos in Gotham, John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) wielding his 9mm and finally, the most intriguing and certainly the most badass, Bane standing menacingly in the middle of the Gotham stock exchange. Hinting that his destruction of Gotham will not just be that of physical damage, but that of crippling the city’s economy. Click the images below to enlarge.

The Dark Knight Rises into theaters July 20th.

[via Batman News, NolanFans, EW]

What Do You Think? Discuss.

In this week’s episode of The MashCast, Matthew, newcomer Josh Winger and I discuss the atrociousness that is Wrath of the Titans, our utter frustration with the lack of marketing from Warner Bros. for The Dark Knight Rises, a psycological breakdown of Michael Bay’s thought process with his Ninja Turtles reboot, and The Hunger Games box-office success.

Click play below to listen, and be sure to share your thoughts with us in the comments after the break and on Twitter: #MashCast.

Download audio file (Episode-7_-_Were-Just-3-Complaining-Fanboys_.mp3)

What Do You Think? Discuss.

Zack Snyder’s Superman reboot Man of Steel was pushed back from December of this year to next summer, but they’ve already begun its marketing push. Dark Knight Rises, where you at?!! Anyway, just a short time ago, the studio released the official “S” logo for Man of Steel. Check it out after the break.

See the logo banner below. Click image to enlarge.

Warner Bros. released the banner via the official Man of Steel Facebook Timeline. But why now? The film doesn’t come out for another year, even though production has been wrapped for some time. So it seems that they’re getting a head start with marketing to obviously generate some excitement/buzz, but more importantly, hammer home the message that this is a complete reboot with massive amounts of talent involved, and hopefully severing all ties to Bryan Singer’s Superman Returns from ’06. As well as ride the coat-tails of its sister DC property, The Dark Knight Rises, which, HOPEFULLY, will start kicking it’s own marketing machine into high gear as  its July 20th release date. Seriously, Warner Bros., get your fucking shit together with TDKR marketing. It’s absolutely pathetic thus far.

Regarding the look and feel of the logo, it gives off a very alien-esque vibe. Let us not forget that Superman is, in fact, an alien being. It hints that perhaps that aspect of the character and mythology will be a focal point of this story. And, yes, it’s also  a bit “darker” and “grittier,” as the Christopher Nolan pundits use to describe his approach to everything. I for one, dig it. It feels epic and also quite mysterious. Obviously a simple logo with no images of the characters will do that, but it makes me feel like we have no idea what Snyder, Nolan & Co. have in store for movie fans next year.

Man of Steel hits theaters June 14, 2013.

What Do You Think? Do you like the Man of Steel logo?

It has been All Quiet on the Western Front from Warner Bros. marketing of The Dark Knight Rises for the past few months. Zero. Zip. Nada. NOTHING. The last thing we got was the duely-release of the second trailer and IMAX prologue back in December. It’s been really frustrating and disappointing after the amazing viral campaign that WB rolled out to promote The Dark Knight back in 2007, which engaged fans with games and scavenger hunts for nearly a year leading up to the release of the film. Why So Serious, WB? Anyway, with the lack of TDKR news, it’s nice when fans can generate some awesome content worth sharing, which is why I’m pleased to share this phenomneal recreation of the second TDKR trailer, with Lego animation. Check it out after the break.

Everything about this Lego-TDKR trailer is amazing. The editing, the spot-on recreation of the characters and set pieces. Just a really impressive piece of creative work. Shout out to YouTube user ParanickFilmz for putting this together. Well done.

Check out The Dark Knight Rises Trailer 2: IN LEGO below.

[via NolanFans]

What Do You Think? Discuss.