Matt’s Review: ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance 3D’ is Downright Awful

GRADE: F

Look at that picture above — can’t you tell this film is horrible? It’s funny, while watching Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance I was thinking about how much worse it was than the bland 2007 Ghost Rider. The original, as bad as it was, was not close to the stench emitting from this latest entry. This 2012 version is by far the worst film I have seen in a long time.

Why the studio bankrolled another one of these films, especially starring the obnoxious Nicolas Cage, is beyond me. Oh wait, the original Ghost Rider made a lot of money? Well, there is your answer. The studio hoped if they made even a slightly better product, a new chapter would make even more money. Well, too bad this film was significantly worse than the original, and Cage is even more lousy in this role the second time around.

I should definitely be upfront with my bias, I am not particularity fond of Nicolas Cage. I like a lot of his older films — The Rock, Face/Off, It Could Happen To You, Con Air, Gone in 60 Seconds — but almost everything he has done recently I loathe. The first Ghost Rider and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance are perfect examples of that, as is his work in Kick-Ass, Next, and Knowing.

To show how dumb Cage is, this quote is actually from him: “The movie is not like anything I’ve done before.” Um, how high were you in 2007? You already played this character.

Now that I’ve made my bias clear, I can move on. Cage to me just doesn’t fit the mold of the rider, the demon who exacts justice on those evil characters within the world. Personally, I think both of these films would work a lot better if they were darker and more realistic; and featured a different male lead.

This film toed the line between going towards that darkness and working as a movie for kids — see Cage peeing like a flamethrower as the rider. If you want to see the best moments in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance for free, watch the trailer. For some reason the brass (← morons) decided to give away the best action pieces and even the conclusion in the trailer.

The direction and editing bordered on spastic with the camera jumping here and there, to the editing that sped up and slowed down shots in a maniacal fashion. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking: “Matt, isn’t maniacal what they’re looking for?” Yes, but if you see this film, you will experience how poorly accomplished these ideas are.

It felt amateurish, almost like a crappy music video. The visuals didn’t seem to have an intended purpose, executed by a auteur. Oftentimes it felt like there were two different directors — wait, there were two directors? — as the shots would switch to this campy-looking over lit grainy footage that rivaled the work of an inexperienced YouTube uploader.

Besides the awful dialogue throughout, the story and the characters were paper thin. The supporting cast was a joke, Johnny Blaze lacked the spark of the first film, and the rider was an odd ball staring down his foes for moments that were painstakingly long as he ‘looks’ into their soul, sometimes stealing it. This film was packed so full of stupid convenient twists and lazy storytelling, I could write about them all day. Cage narrates over animated pieces that act as exposition, which only really heightens the disjointedness and hinders the flow of the story. I would love to flesh all this crap out, but I don’t think this site has the capacity to hold all the BS that took place in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

The action pieces with the rider were mostly stupid, particularly when he jumped into a new vehicle and it responded by turning into a hellish steed similar to his motorcycle. The biggest unintentional joke came when the rider jumped into a gigantic piece of mining equipment and mowed down the opposition with his flaming contraption. The environment and the rules within this world were poorly imagined. Sometimes the rider could swallow bullets, and take multiple Javelin rockets to the face and Johnny Blaze would wake up fine. Another time he took a grenade launcher to the gut, and Blaze woke up in excruciating pain. It made no sense.

Overall, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance was a worse effort than the first. The 3D wasn’t impressive, and the image quality was way too dark and distorted from the dimming effect of the 3D glasses. None of the characters were very interesting, and the chief antagonist was the devil, and even he wasn’t intimidating. Cage was zanier in this Ghost Rider effort, and that translated to more cheesiness. I really hated this movie — the logic of the characters, the ‘rules’ within the environment, the action, and the story were all far below average. The only positive was the special effects, because the rider looked like a ghastly imposing demon.

Simple minded fools might enjoy this film, but I wouldn’t be proud of yourself if you do leave a screening satisfied.

What Should You Do? Unfortunately one of us had to see it, and that person was me. Don’t torture yourself by wasting 90 minutes and ten dollars on this nonsense. I’m glad I didn’t spend money on this film, I suggest you prevent yourself from doing the same.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery