Matt’s Review: ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ Has Stunning Action in 3D, But Little Else Worth Mentioning

GRADE: C-

Awhile back when I saw a trailer for Transformers: Dark of the Moon I was very worried the title of this review would come true. The action looked great in the preview, but I wondered, was there an adequate storyline to link the action and characters together? Or was it going to be another series of plot points simply leading to action sequences like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? When I saw Revenge of the Fallen, I didn’t hate it. I won’t bother watching it twice though. It was a mindless sequel that forced action down my throat and then expected me to invest in the rest of the film. It was good for what it was — unreal action with robots beating one another down.

After the second effort, both Director Michael Bay and Shia Labeouf said Revenge of the Fallen was not worthy of praise (duh), and the third time around would be different. Well, it wasn’t any different, at all. Bay and Shia lied to us, and my distaste for this film partly stems from the fact Dark of the Moon was the same product as the second one. But if this formula works to make millions, why change? How many times can you successfully glorify robot warfare without a top notch screenplay? The answer is one. The song and dance gets weary the third time around.

The first Transformers will never be commended for its great story, but at least it was fresh, featured classic outcast vs. jock teenage drama, and spent time getting to know the characters outside all the action. Like the second film, Dark of the Moon assumed we already knew the characters well enough and spent most of its time zipping through robots beating one another down fighting over the fate of the human race. Of course Shia’s character Sam got some development — mostly in the form of a newer/hotter girlfriend (Megan Fox dumped him) and a new career path — but most of it was boring exposition. None of it inspired me to want to watch the setup of his “evolving” character. I felt sidetracked… when will the next action sequence start? Just wait two and a half minutes.

Even the ally Autobots barely talked in this film This was extremely unnerving considering the group had personalities in the first film. Of course Optimus Prime started and finished Dark of the Moon with narration that was entirely overdone and lacking any spark — but that was the most he speaks in the film. Prime felt distant, and the audience was supposed to care about this fearless leader who will defend the human race at all odds. Simply put, I didn’t care about him at all. The same can be said for Bumblebee. Both seemed like shells of their old selves.

The story started off fairly well. The setup tells of the Apollo missions to the moon as attempts to explore a crash-landed robotic aircraft. I like when movies use historical moments in their films and tweak them to fit into their stories. But soon Dark of the Moon fell far off track slowly giving into more and more action meant to displace the need to tell this “destruction of Earth” story. Instead of the story being somewhat about the characters and their relationships, Dark of the Moon was a bunch of plot points simply working towards another action sequence that Bay dreamed up and really wanted to include in his latest adrenaline-fest.

This film, like Revenge of the Fallen was way too long. If this was supposed to be a popcorn action flick, why was it 157 minutes? If this movie was supposed to be pure entertainment for tweens, why did Bay spend that much time trying to tell this whole story? Bay and Co. obviously saw this for more than just a chance to have lots of action. The film was comprised mostly of action, but being this long, I believe this was screenwriter Ehren Kruger’s attempt at storytelling. Bay, Kruger, and the three different editors who worked on the film all failed to tell a plausible, consistently coherent tale.

Before I lose you by writing too much negative, I will give the one spectacular aspect of this movie a very big thumbs up. This is the first film since Avatar 3D that actually provided me with a worthwhile 3D experience in which I didn’t feel cheated out of 3 extra dollars. Though I didn’t pay to see this film, I’m just looking out for you. Usually I don’t recommend 3D, but Dark of the Moon was really worth it — the use of 3D had a real purpose. I actually had my second enjoyable 3D cinematic experience at Dark of the Moon. The movie was one huge action bonanza — and being mostly shot in 3D really helped improve the clarity of images during these chaotic sequences. One action sequence alone makes the film worth the price of 3D admission — Sam is catapulted directly at the audience from the safety of Bumblebee’s embrace in super slow motion — it was stunning. Dark of the Moon showed the true potential of 3D in the future.

The newer and hotter girlfriend was played by Victoria’s Secret supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Only Michael Bay would go to these lengths to hire a supermodel as a lead actress instead of a real actress. But, I really can’t hate too much, because the girl did actually have some talent. She was convincing most of the time. Unfortunately for her, the character she played was constantly in peril as ‘the bait’, waiting for the heroic Sam to come save her. She has no distinction except for screaming in the crossfire, in need of protection. There were moments when she “contributed” like relaying information to high up government officials, but it felt so forced and completely unbelievable. Her biggest role was to look hot so Bay could ogle her with his camera.

The objectification of her ‘hotness’ even went as far as the camera tilting up her scantily clad body as Patrick Dempsy ranted about the sexy curves of the ‘perfect automobile.’ Dempsey was describing the car, but Bay forgot to take the camera off her tight features — and apparently Rosie is so influential she can connive a murderous damaged Decepticon (an effin’ evil robot people!) back into the fray.

The biggest failure in this film was the overabundance of cheese. This was one of the cheesiest movies I have seen in my entire life. Most of the time, it felt as if the movie wasn’t taking itself seriously. And this was a very bad thing considering Dark of the Moon has “serious” moments where Bay wants you to actually care. But this was impossible when you cannot help but giggle at the ridiculous dialogue from both humans and robots, the onslaught of action that won’t allow you to comprehend anything but conflict, and the filmmakers’ failure to grasp how to tell a story.

Even though Transformers is highly fictional, the first two films always had a sense of realism to the government operations. They way the military mobilized against the robots through the chain of command gave the viewer a sense of the government’s might. The government operations in this film led by Frances McDormand felt feeble and lacked any sort of conviction to defeat the invading robot forces. The absence of military might was a huge disappointment.

On the note of McDormand, I have to say that I not only loathed her character, but I actually hated all the new additions to the cast. Ken Jeong and John Malkovich both played absolutely insane unbelievable characters that didn’t live anywhere within a million light years of reality. They were so ridiculous, it was unfunny. Both were so zany and off the wall I couldn’t believe the filmmakers were trying to fit these characters in this fictionalized robot world — remember, Bay only wants crazy and fun some of the time, and the audience to get serious in others (Impossible with clowns like this and no understanding of how to establish tone throughout your film). Jeong had reason for acting goofy, but I still disliked every second he was onscreen. Even John Tuturro who was reviving his role as Agent Simmons was ridiculously over the top. In the first film he was an odd but driven military operative. In the second his antics were pushing it, and in Dark of the Moon the character went off the deep end. Wait, is this character development? Ha!

Overall, Transformers: Dark of the Moon only amounted to the grade it received from me based on the fact I had a great time watching the action unfold with such precise and glorious 3D. The film didn’t deliver on anything else. Sadly, if Bay strove for perfection in more than just his action shots, he could be more than just an average filmmaker. But he doesn’t, and this is just another example of Bay being imaginative, but having no one to help him illustrate this to an audience.

What Should You Do? If you’re a hater of most 3D like me, but are looking for a good third dimension experience, check it out. If you aren’t a fan of Bay and his excess of action or the previous Transformers flicks, skip this one.

Follow Matthew on Twitter: @matthewdeery