Barrett’s Review: ‘The Tourist’ is a Waste of Time and Talent

GRADE: C-

“Eh.” That’s what I muttered under my breath as I left a screening of The Tourist earlier this week. With the A++++ headlining  duo of Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie, I was expecting this to be at least “not-your-average spy thriller.” But alas, that is not the case. The Tourist is boring, forgettable and a film that I am glad that I didn’t pay to see. There is no “well, they needed a paycheck” rationale for Depp and Jolie, so the fact that they wasted five or so months of their time with this film really baffles me. As the headline of this review suggests, it’s a waste of their talents and our time.

The film starts out in Paris cafe with officials from Interpol/Scotland Yard surveiling Elise (Jolie), a mysterious woman who they’ve been tracking a long time because of her relationship with Alexander Piers, a man who had stolen $744 million from a British mob boss. The first 30 minutes or so is Elise eluding said European officials throughout the various streets and subway routes of the city. Upon hopping on a train to Venice, she encounters Frank Tupelo, a Wisconsin math teacher seemingly on vacation trying to forget the memory of his dead wife and son. He’s “The Tourist.” Get it?

Tupelo is an ordinary man who takes pleasure in exotic spy novels, so his encounter with this mysterious women lights the fire of adventure inside him. Elise chose Frank of all people to sit next to on the train because at the Paris cafe, she received a note from Piers telling her to chose a man of similar size and appearance to throw off the police. This doesn’t bode well for Frank upon their arrival in Venice, as after a night of high-class swanky indulgence on Elise’s dime, the surveiling police and mobsters who are after Piers, mistake Tupelo (“the tourist”) for Piers, and all parties involved start chasing Tupelo. The rest of the film is comprised of identity and motive twists and turns on behalf of all parties, the biggest of which I saw coming a mile away.

The acting is completely fine and convincing, as you wouldn’t expect any less from Jolie, Depp and the supporting cast, including Paul Bettany as the lead Scotland Yard agent and the great Timothy Dalton as his superior. Actually the most surprising and enjoyable part of the film comes from the performance of Steven Berkoff, who plays the villainous British mobster. He gives a great nuanced performance as the bad guy, which saved the film from being a lot worse, if someone of lesser ability had inhabited the role.

This is the first big studio movie for writer/director Florian Henkel von Donnersmarck; say that five times fast. And it is evident, as the film made me completely lose interest 45 minutes into the mistaken identity exposition.

It was all just, “eh.” Jolie has an affinity for plot-twisting spy thrillers, but this is a very surprising un-noteworthy turn for Depp. Maybe the taxes  did indeed increase on his islands in the Bahamas, or something? I don’t know what the case is, but I do know that The Tourist is a film that you should certainly wait to see on DVD, if not at all.

What Should You Do? Don’t waste your time