Theater Near You, Vol. 1: Don’t Sit There, Idiot. Can’t You See I Have My Feet Up?

Periodically, The Movie Mash will feature a new segment called Theater Near You, where our staff will share our various movie theater experiences, pet peeves and etiquette tips with you, the reader. We also encourage you to comment with your own experience related to the respective topic, as we all go to the movies, and this is a place for you to vent your frustrations. This first installment of Theater Near You  is about the morons who sit right in front of you when you have your feet up. I can’t count on 10 hands how many times this has happend to me. Picture this: I’m at a matinee showing on weekday and the theater is barely a third full. My friends and I make the conscious effort to sit at the very top-middle of the theater, as for some reason no one sits back there. Because we have decided to sit away from everyone else, we now have the freedom and luxury to sprawl our legs out on the seats directly in front of us. But wait… (insert Jaws theme music).

I look down to the left at the theater entrance and a couple is looking up at the seats, whispering at eachother, trying to decide their destination. Suddenly (Jaws theme increases), they look up directly at me and my group, they even point at us (Jaws theme gets really loud). They start walking up the stairs towards us. I think to myself, “There’s no way, there’s just no f*cking way.” Again, at this point the “AMC First Look” segment is showing on screen, the previews haven’t even begun and there isn’t a single person within four rows of us. Then, they turn left into the row directly in front of us. I try to burn an evil stare into their souls. “Seriously? This can’t be f*cking happening.”  But they don’t notice my evil look. It’s too late. (Jaws theme climaxes) THEY STRIKE! This doucher and his GF sit directly in front of me and my friend, forcing us to remove our comfortably placed legs that we had propped up 10 minutes prior to said doucher’s arrival.

This is not a specific instance that I am recalling. It is a “Best of” compilation of all the times some idiot decided to sit directly in front me when there was an endless buffet of seating options. What is wrong with these people? You don’t even have to got to the movies that often to realize, “Hmmm, that guy has his feet up. He looks comfortable. There are plenty of other seats in this row. I will sit here instead, so I do not disturb him.” It’s f*cking common sense, people! I seriously cannot comprehend the lack of general social awareness that a lot of citizens and moviegoers have. The movie theater setting actually has so many (usually) universally understood rules, that it almost acts like a test, to see if one can properly function in society, and obey the unwritten rules of the road. Obvsiouly, if you’re one of these feet-forcing douchers, you failed.

What Do You Think? Discuss.