Barrett’s Review: The Video Game Adaptation Curse Continues with Prince of Persia

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (C)

Tapping into video games for source material to make movies hasn’t really worked out thus far. Studios have tried for years, but the ultimate outcome has been mostly pretty awful. The Resident Evil franchise is an exception, as it has been successful at the box-office, but bombs like Hit Man, Max Payne and Doom have proved that making a movie based on a popular video game is no easy task. And while Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is a step in the right direction in terms of entertainment (which is not saying much), it’s still a sub-par action blockbuster that you should refrain from wasting $10 on.

I’m not a gamer, so this review isn’t going to analyze the film’s accuracy in terms “staying true” to the video game series. I’m going to talk about it just as a movie. Sorry, gamers. That being said, let’s get right to it.

The film stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Dastan, a poor peasant boy living in the streets of the Persian empire during the sixth century. After publicly displaying his courage and good will, young Dastan is adopted by the king as his heir, so the king’s two sons will not fight over the throne. Flash forward 15 years later and the Persian empire invades a smaller, neighboring city because of evidence that they are harboring threatening weapons. The Persians then seize the beautiful Princess Tamina of said city against her will, played by the gorgeous Gemma Arterton. After someone very close to Dastan is publicly murdered via a toxic piece of clothing (yes, that’s right), Dastan and Tamina are now on the run because it was made to look like he did it. Even worse, the person who framed him is someone he trusted dearly.

The rest of the film focuses on a mystical dagger that has the power to turn back time. After experiencing the power of the dagger firsthand and finding out Tamina’s ancient sworn oath, the two go on an adventure to protect the dagger from falling into the wrong hands, prevent Armageddon, and clear Dastan’s name. While this might sound like a unique story, and in certain aspects it is, the dialogue and general plot points of the movie are so recycled and predictable that any casual movie-goer could basically say “I bet this happens” after every scene, and they’d unfortunately be right. So classic.

The film is a product of Jerry Bruckheimer, mega-producer of pretty much every movie ever, including the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. As that series is nearing its end, hopefully, Bruckheimer is hoping that Prince of Persia can fill its void as Disney’s PG-13 action-adventure franchise. Unfortunately for Disney and Bruckheimer, Prince of Persia is no Pirates. What made the Pirates series so appealing and successful was it’s unique blend of action-adventure and whimsical comedy set in a past time period, and, well, Johnny Depp. Prince of Persia doesn’t have Johnny Depp. And while it’s action sequences are impressive, the comedic elements in the film are so obvious and forced that it will make you cringe.

Example: Dastan gets some help from a band of some unlikely misfits on his journey, who have a different agenda than protecting the mystical dagger. One of these misfits is Sheik, played by Alfred Molina, an ostrage racing promoter (yes, that’s right) who is a complete blabber-mouth throughout the film. So obviously, he talks way too much. In one particularly awful scene, showcasing the film’s lazy attempt at comedy, another misfit says to Sheik, right before they attempt to infiltrate the Persian city, “You know, you talk too much.” GET IT?!?! They both smile at each other and go off on their merry way. I know. It’s so unfunny, that I can’t fathom how the script supervisor gave it the green-light in the first place.

The performances in the film aren’t bad. Jake Gylenhaal does a respectable job as Dastan, as he is a very good actor, although his pseudo-British accent takes some getting used to. Because, you know, anytime there’s a movie that takes place in a distant time period, no matter what country, British accents suffice as foreign speaking. Arterton is the stand out, as she does a great job portraying the courageous, yet vulnerable Princess Tamina. And that’s about it. Yes, the great Sir Ben Kingsley has a major role in the film as uncle Nizam, but his performance is pretty much lost in the average of everything else in the movie.

The thing that makes the film not terrible, are the special effects and action sequences. When you use the mystical dagger to go back in time, your body basically disintegrates and floats out of itself from present time, and when it happens, it’s very pleasing to look at. And pretty much throughout the film, Dastan is in some sort of chase scene or sword fight, all of which are impressive and entertaining. So on that front, Prince of Persia got it right.

Overall, the movie is entertaining because, it’s an action-adventure-fantasy blockbuster from Jerry Bruckheimer. I mean, no matter how much one might dislike the cliche, played-out style of JB, his movies do entertain. But that doesn’t excuse the painfully predictable storyline and unfunny one-liners that make Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time a “been there, done that” summer blockbuster that you should steer clear of.

What Should You Do? Save your money for something else that you really want to see this summer.