The Losers (C-)

Think of every shoot-em-up action movie you’ve ever seen. You’ve got a main character (in this case a team) who experiences a personal tragedy at the beginning of the film, is then exiled and becomes a fugitive. That guy (or girl) then spends the rest of the movie blasting away bad guys in a variety of exotic locations in an attempt to clear his (or her) name and avenge the death(s) of their dearly departed. That pretty much sums up The Losers, the new action movie from Warner Bros. based on the cult comic-book series.

The story of The Losers falls exactly in line with the plot summary I’ve just provided. At the beginning of the film, an elite team of special-ops soldiers attempts to foil a terrorist plot in South America. Upon the completion of their mission, the team witnesses a tragedy, which they indirectly caused and are set up to look like they did it. The team then has to burn all of the evidence that proves they exist, making them appear dead, and spend the rest of the movie trying to track down the terrorist who caused the disaster and clear their names in the process.

It’s unfortunate that things turned out the way that they did. The Losers has a pretty awesome cast, featuring Jeffry Dean Mogan as Clay (the team leader), Chris Evans as Jensen (they tech guy), Idris Elba (the ruthless badass), Columus Short as Pooch (explosives), Zoe Saldana as Aisha (the wild card) and Jason Patrick as Max (the terrorist who they’re after). Notice the classic “each special-ops team member has a specialty that ultimately comes in handy during various scenarios.”

I mean, the movie is not terrible, I’ve certainly seen much worse. But the plot, pace and atmosphere of this movie is so over-used and recycled that I just didn’t enjoy it. Throw in the fact that the action, sexiness and language pushes the PG-13 barrier so much, that they should have just made it an R and I would have at least been able to enjoy some bloody shoot-outs.

There are some humorous moments. One particularly funny scene features Chris Evans’ character Jensen, sneaking into a high-security corporation to hack the main frame computer. He is made by security and has to run through the office to the background music of “Don’t Stop Believin” by Journey. It’s an enjoyable scene. But then throw in the countless, annoying one-liners and it gets real old, real fast; Pooch creates a bazooka from scratch and says “I’m the black MaGuyver…BlaGuyver!” Really, Pooch?

Adding to all this are the other played-out, cliche elements to an action movie that you’ve seen time, and time again:

• Several times during the movie shows the team members walking side-by-side in slow motion (see image above).
• A member of the team turns on the squad and becomes a bad guy, or girl.
• At their weakest moment, when seemingly all is lost and the team is considering giving up, one of them gives a rousing, inspirational speech causing each team member to one-by-one declare “I’m in” for the last mission.

And the worst part of this movie is Jason Patrick’s performance as the villainous terrorist Max. He is attempting to conjure up this mixture of humor and malice that is completely unconvincing and utterly annoying. There’s one scene, that I know you will mock if you see it, is when Max is telling his main henchman to “round up a team of 18 soldiers in six hours.” He then sarcastically repeats this line, TWO MORE TIMES, making it not funny and extremely awkward.

I know what many people will say. “Barrett, it’s just a fun action movie, take it for what it is.” Yeah, I know what it is. It’s the same Ol’ been there, done that, cheesy action movie, that should have been rated R, that I didn’t like. Deal with it.

What Should You Do? Wait for DVD or don’t bother at all, you’ve seen it before.