Rant: “Spider-Man, Turn Off The Dark” The Broadway Musical. WTF?

Having grossed over $2.5 billion worldwide and now extending the current three-part series by adding a fourth and a fifth installment, you’d think that Marvel Comics/Studios would be content with it’s Spider-Man saturation on American pop-culture. Whoa, pump them breaks kid, of course they’re not content. Why…? Wait I’m sorry, what am I talking about? That was a stupid question. I meant, WHY STOP at five movies, thousands of comics,  animated/live-action TV shows and a vast ocean of assorted toys, clothes and every other type of merchandise known to man??? So having conquered all the verticals of synergy, the next obvious step would be a web-slinging Broadway musical. Right?

The New York Post has the first official update of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, the $40 million Broadway musical set to open in New York in January of next year. The play is being helmed by Julie Taymor. She staged the long-running and successful Broadway adaptation of The Lion King, as well as being the director of the awesome & beautiful Beatles movie-musical, Across The Universe. Taymor is claiming that this will not be a traditional musical, instead describing it as a “circus rock-’n'-roll drama” that “is going to have a comic-book, pop-up sensibility.” That sounds all well and good, and while I enjoy musicals and am obviously a big admirer of comic adaptations in any shape or form, this whole concept just feels forced and weird. I understand that superheroes are dominating Hollywood right now, but what’s next “Punisher The Musical Extravaganza?” Or maybe we’ll see Bruce Banner belt out a few operatic show tunes before he gets angry and green.

The biggest thing that I find puzzling about this venture into singing and dancing is the choice of villains. On Broadway, Peter Parker is going to do battle against: Green Goblin, Carnage, Electro, Rhino, Swarm and Lizard. And most of the movie-going public will swear to the fact that too many villains was the inevitable downfall into Suckville for Spider-Man 3. $40 million can boast a lot of cool effects, but how are they going to accurately and awesomely convey Carnage (photo right) on live stage. Carnage is my favorite Spider-Man villain and one of the most bad-ass of any comic. How are they going to display the melting, morphing, alien, biological drip that oozes from his body? It’s either going to get really messy up there, or be stupidly conveyed in some other physical fashion. And honestly, I don’t know which I would even prefer at this point.

Look, this is an interesting IDEA. And if I lived in New York, I’d probably go see the show when it comes out next year for curiosity/pop-culture’s sake; and that’s why I’m playing such a harsh Devil’s Advocate, because I’m a fan. HOWEVER, the makers of this better proceed with extreme caution and try really hard not to make a laughing stock-mockery out of beloved comic-book lore (Cough: Joel Schumacher).

What Do you Think? Discuss.